Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Our Beautiful Little Angel

June 29th, 2009
4:34 am
5 Pounds Even

Little Megan Grace, Our Daughter, Our Angel

As I said in my last weekly pregnancy survey (35 Weeks), it would probably be my last one. The problem was it was not until just a few short hours after it was written I would realize just how true those words would end up being when I felt my water break and we knew our time with Megan Grace was coming to a close.

It was not really a surprise. We knew that her condition was getting worse and my pregnancy complications were also beginning to put me at risk between the bleeding and the excess amniotic fluid I was carrying around due to her condition.

A little after 1 am on Sunday night (Monday morning) I woke up with what I felt were real labor contractions. They were definitely more painful that the Braxton Hicks contractions I'd been having for weeks. The problem was after enduring two late night trips to L&D I really did not want to wake my husband in the middle of the night again just to spend another night in the hospital just to be sent home the next day.

At 2:30ish I felt a huge gush that just kept gushing and I knew either I was losing a life threatening amount of blood or my water had broken. When I got to the bathroom I was able to determine it was my water so we gathered our things and headed out to the hospital knowing it would be only a very short time until we would be meeting our daughter, Megan Grace.

Once we arrived at the hospital, the on call doctor was actually well versed in regards to our case due to prior arrangements made by my doctor for her to serve as a backup in case of an emergency such as this. The stretcher was standing by along with the team of nurses ready to prep me for the OR. They drew my blood, inserted my IV, checked Megan's heart rate, and monitored my contractions.

Earlier in the evening, when I had been pretty sure I was having real labor pains I never did time them however I knew I was having a lot of them in a short period of time. As I was being prepped in triage, they informed me that my contractions were already only 2 minutes apart and man did they hurt.

It was only a few minutes later they were wheeling me down to the OR on the stretcher. Once we made it inside the doors of the OR area I lost it. I was scared along with many other emotions but the nurses were amazing! They helped me keep my cool throughout the whole procedure and I'm eternally grateful for them.

Once we got in to the actual OR they gave me the spinal and hooked me up the IV lines and we were off. It wasn't long before they pulled out our beautiful Megan Grace and brought her over for us to see before they went to clean her up.

She did not make it out of the OR alive however we are just grateful for the wonderful 10 minutes we were able to spend with her before she passed away.

After all this, I was taken to recovery where all of our families and friends came back to see us. I'm so glad they all came to see Little Megan Grace, hopefully it will be a moment they all treasure forever because I know we are glad they were all here to share that experience with us.

We kept her with us for a few hours before we said our goodbyes along with the rest of the family and then it was time to let her go. It does sound strange but although we are both sad in way we are both also so proud of her for fighting as long as she did. What a strong little girl!

Thanks to all of the friends, family, and strangers that have helped walked us through this journey. It would have been a lot more difficult without each of you stepping in to help no matter how big or small the gesture may have been.

Thank you and we love you all!

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Rollercoaster Just Keeps Twisting and Turning

On my rollercoaster the most benign tasks sometimes morph into some of the twists that keep us on our toes waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Wednesday night I was laying on the couch reading Handle with Care before deciding I was going to close up shop for the night and head to bed. Someone had other plans. As soon as I stood up, I felt a few gushes of something which did not feel normal. Had my water broken?

Once in the bathroom I discovered more blood than anyone should see at 32 weeks pregnant so we grabbed our hospital bags along with a few other items before heading out to the door to the hospital very quickly.

If you live near me, you also realize that Wednesday night was one filled with severe thunderstorms so this made for an interesting drive to the hospital. On the way there, we made the necessary phone calls letting people know what was going on with us and Megan Grace.

Also, while on the way to the hospital we realized we had left every form of payment we owned at home hence no cash for food at the hospital. Luckily, a wonderful friend of mine just happened to be at the hospital for the breastfeeding class we had signed up for months ago together and met us in the admissions lobby. Thanks dear I owe you (literally).

We ended up staying the night for observation but it was a night filled with emotions of every facet. Was this going to be Megan Grace's birthday? Was I going to have to have a C Section? Were we ready?

The bleeding ended up stopping so I'm home now on semi bedrest and I'm out of work for at least a week. We will reevaluate the situation next week. I'm calling my doctor today though to figure out where we go from here.

Overall, it the evening went pretty smoothly including a few firsts for me such as my first hospital stay and my very first IV. Wonder what is in store for the future?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Getting Anxious

The days are coming to a close although we still have a few weeks left. Mentally things are getting harder. I'm more emotional, anxious, etc.

We will get through this together but the next few weeks are going to be tough. The aftermath will be even more difficult.

It really started on Monday (June 1st). Just knowing that next month our little girl will be gone is a tough pill to swallow.

The only way to process that knowledge is to continue to enjoy every moment we have left with her. We are doing that but it gets harder every day.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks and months. We appreciate it more than anyone could ever know.